im faced with this pathetic situation almost all the time.. do i 'fight' to my heart's content? or do i back down? see.. if i 'fought' til i had released all emotion, id feel better, yes? but how long would this feeling last? is it worth fighting for, and maybe end up risking something incredibly valuable? i mean.. this satisfaction id get from releasing all emotion.. it wouldnt last very long.. we all know how superficial and materialistic people are getting these days.. we do things on impulse..

if i back away, and just keep all the emotion in me... what would happen then? obviously i save this object of great value.. but i keep all these dark feelings within me.. what happens if i cant let go? that means i keep all this inside me.. and its like a coke bottle.. and all your emotions is the carbon dioxide in the drink... keep it still, and its all fine.. shake it.. and it might froth.. if you keep shaking it, obviously its gonna explode.. and you'll be left with nothing..

so what do i risk? my sanity? or this object of great value, i.e. a friendship? it comes down to one question... who do i put first: me? or this other person? ...will i be selfish? or selfless?

i dont like how one question can drag you down for days, weeks, even months...i dont like having to choose between me or someone else.. and compromise..? that stuff never works.. i dont know why..

nothing seems to work for me anymore... sometimes i come to school, and half the things i write out have incorrect spelling... the most simple of things, i cant do.. even physically, im not working well.. my calves have all cramped up.. my eyes are stuffing up.. my back and shoulders... sometimes they hurt so much id think i was pregnant.. no im not. if my mind isnt functioning physically.. how is it meant to function mentally, and emotionally?

i dont think i can cope.